The moment my dog barked at me this morning I knew it would be a terrible day.
Terrible, not in the sense that some catastrophic calamity would befall me or the world. But terrible in a way that I’ll be feeling like a miserable human being. As if I’m not worthy of anything good in this world.
And I was right.
“A” stood in there in the hall today, still stunning and the same intelligent twinkle beneath those eyes. And there was nothing but casualness in how “A” interacted with me.
To be fair, everytime I look back on it, “A” has never treated me as more than an acquaintance. We did have a period wherein I, wrongly, assumed that we were, at the very least, friends.
I guess that’s the problem.
I opt out of small talk because I see no point. Silence is preferable than enduring nonsensical pleasantries with idiots.
So when I end up speaking with someone about something relevant, sharing ideas about the world or whatever interests we share, I end up feeling really close with this person. Even if we shared only one conversation.
And it makes me sad. There was a moment where I thought, this person is a kindred spirit, we’d get along swimmingly.
Turns out even friendship can be one-sided.
And now I stare off into the pouring rain, wondering where I went wrong.